The Infamous Friend Zone

So, this week I’ve decided to take some time to write about the friend zone. Now you may ask, “what on earth does this have to do with families and marriage?” Well actually, this relates more to marriage and family than one might think. Selecting a partner for marriage is kind of a big deal, and there’s a few different ways that one goes about doing this. There’s the process in which one dates multiple people to find who they’re most compatible with or who they most like, there are those who cohabit, there’s arranged marriages, there are those who marry based off of convenience or circumstances, and I’m sure the list can go on. So, what does this have to do with the friend zone? I want to pose the idea that the friend zone very subtly falls on this list.

I have known many people who ask themselves, “What if I marry the wrong person?” I actually can’t imagine anyone not asking themselves this question in at least one point in their life. Who wouldn’t be worried about that? That’s actually one of the main reasons that people decide to cohabit, to ensure that they are making the right choice. But studies show that those who marry after cohabiting don’t show an increase in satisfaction in marriage, they’re actually more likely to get divorced than those who don’t cohabit. I’d imagine that’s because the experience for them living together doesn’t actually change when they tie the knot, they’ve already established fixed patterns in their relationship having lived together that, in my opinion, don’t show enough commitment to each other to be married.

Throughout the whole dating experience, we establish patterns in our relationships that can determine if you’ll have a healthy marriage or not. I believe we all want to marry someone we trust, someone we find comfort in being vulnerable with, someone with whom we have common interests and goals. We preach that we should marry our best friend, but how many people actually do that? I honestly believe that in some cases, not all, the best possible choice is found in the friend zone.

To me, the whole idea of the friend zone can be really demeaning to the value of friendship. Friendship is an amazing thing, I have some of the best friends that life can offer. They have really enhanced my life in ways I never thought possible. They’ve helped shape who I am and have helped carry me through some really tough times in my life. They’ve taught me one of the many elements of love, how to be loyal, how to sacrifice, and even how to resolve conflict. As a matter of fact, some of the deepest friendships I have are the ones where we have fought and argued, multiple times, but they’ve really brought us closer together. They take a lot of work and a great level of commitment. I also have a lot of female friends who I can’t imagine my life without. They’ve done a great many things to bless my life and have really taught me how to interact with the opposite sex. So, what I’m getting at is if friendship is so great, why do we treat it like a death sentence when we have to be friends with someone we like?

The friend zone actually isn’t all that bad, it’s actually a great place to be. I’ve known people who were put in the friend zone by someone and then ended up marrying that same person (results may vary). Friends do make the best marriage partners after all. If for some reason, you start to have problems in your marriage, and you’re not friends with your spouse, it is going to be very challenging for you because the love that is required in marriage isn’t all just about sex, passion, and physical attraction, you have to love that person for who they are, it has to be unconditional, that is the real everyday type of love. In conclusion, if there is one lesson I hope that anyone will learn, it is to be the type of friend to everyone that anyone would want to marry.